


Feels Like Home

by ginger_angel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Dad!Dean, Foster dad!Cas, Insecure Castiel, M/M, Veteran Dean Winchester, past Dean/Others (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 07:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20305831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger_angel/pseuds/ginger_angel
Summary: When veteran Dean Winchester learned he had a daughter, he was determined to raise the adorable toddler.  But he never counted on the insane attraction to Claire’s foster dad, Castiel Novak.  Castiel insisted Dean stay at his orchard until he’s prepared for fatherhood.  The more time Dean spends with Claire and Cas, the more he thinks he may have found the family he’s wanted his whole life.Dean's ready to start something with Cas. But does Cas feel the same way?  Will Dean's reputation and his past prevent Cas from wanting Dean in his life?  There's only one way to find out and that leaves Dean terrified.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! Destiel Harlequin Challenge 2019 done! Thank you to the mods for opening up this late posting window. 2019 has been a crappy year for me personally so having this challenge and the Discord server to focus on when I need a break from real life has been phenomenal. Please enjoy and let me know that you liked it with a comment or kudos.

A rooster crowing is not the weirdest thing Dean has ever heard first thing in the morning, but it sure ranks in the top 5 of most annoying. Wishing he could just reach out from his nest of blankets and shut the rooster off like an alarm, he pulls the covers down past his face and rolls sluggishly towards the nightstand.

Being awake this early is a monumentally bad idea. Dean turns and looks with bleary eyes at the clock on the bedside table. 5:32 am looks back at him and he groans. It is entirely too early to be waking up on a Saturday. But that is what life is like, apparently, on a working orchard. He should be used to this by now, having spent the last half a year waking up like this, but he’d hoped that it was just a summertime seasonal thing.

It’s not a seasonal thing and Dean is starting to hate living at the orchard. 

First, the rooster. Like, what the hell? It’s an orchard, not a farm or petting zoo. Why is there a rooster allowed to crow at 6 freaking o’clock in the morning?

Second, why doesn’t this apartment have blinds? It’s not fair that he has to wake up to both the rooster crowing at stupid o’clock and the sun shining right into his eyeballs. Nevermind the fact that he didn’t go to bed until 1 am last night. 

And finally, did Cas really have to start the tractor as soon as the sun climbed over the hills? On a weekend?

Cas. Castiel Novak. The most infuriating, melodramatic, intense, stubborn, caring, charismatic, gorgeous man Dean has met in a long time. Maybe ever. Also the owner of said orchard and the man potentially in charge of Dean’s immediate future.

Dean rubs his eyes and grabs his phone from the nightstand. Waking up the screen, he remembers why he is doing all of this. Claire’s sunny smile shines back at him. His daughter. The one he didn’t even know about until about 6 months ago. His daughter who looks nothing like him but sure acts like a miniature version of him even though she’s only 3 years old. His daughter who lost her mother to a drunk driver at a too young age. Dean knows this from experience. So he’s resolved to give Claire everything he can because every child deserves to grow up happy and healthy. There’s a lot he’s discovered in the past half year that he would do for this little girl. And he guesses that getting up early is just one of them.

Dean rolls out of bed and shuffles to the kitchenette to start coffee. Thankfully he remembered to set up the coffeemaker last night before falling into bed. That was a habit he had gotten into just days into his stay at the Novak Orchard. It isn’t that he can’t wake up early. Years in the Army taught him to be a light sleeper and he hasn’t lost that now that he’s finally out. But he’s not used to the unfamiliar space even if it is just one large room on top of the 3 car garage next to the large Victorian house where his daughter now lives.

He should feel blessed that his daughter was placed in such nice circumstances. Foster kids aren’t always this lucky. The Novak Orchard is over 100 acres of mostly fruit trees but it also seems to be a haven for not only his baby girl but for other foster kids that are continually cycling in and out of the place as well. He’d been worried when he talked to the DHS case worker about Claire’s placement. How could she get attention if she was one of many? What if she needed special care and the foster parents were too busy dealing with other kids that her issues fell through the cracks? It took about 15 minutes of being on site for Dean to realize that while he didn’t yet trust Cas Novak entirely, he did trust his daughter in Cas’ care. And at least Cas wasn’t alone. His sister lived at the orchard and helped care for the children. It wasn’t the normal foster set up. But Dean would now agree that it works.

Of course, Cas hadn’t really shown that he was all that trusting off the bat. It isn’t like Dean abandoned his daughter or her mother. He hadn’t even known about Claire until her mother, a one night stand for Dean during a rare trip stateside during which he thought he and the woman had been safe (maybe it wasn’t the best idea to use a condom that hadn’t seen the light of day in years, but Dean hadn’t been thinking with his upstairs brain!), had died in a car accident and her will revealed that Dean was the father. She hadn’t known Dean’s last name, but knew he was in the service which is how DHS was able to track him down. She’d had a life insurance policy that would take care of Claire for the rest of her life but had somehow depended on Dean to be the trustee of that money. 

When Cas suggested Dean live out at the orchard, it was like a sign from heaven. Dean had been living with Sam and Sam’s son, Jack, but Sam lived in a 2 bedroom apartment in the city. Dean loved that kid, but living in such a small space with his brother and a five-year-old was exhausting. Living at the orchard seemed to be the best way for Dean to spend more time with Claire and get a handle on how to be a dad. Since the shop Dean worked at was in between Sam’s place and the orchard, it wasn’t like Dean would be going out of his way to get to work every day. 

Dean hadn’t counted on the physical attraction to Cas distracting him from his mission. Objectively Dean realized upon meeting him that Cas’ appearance checked all of Dean’s boxes. The hair long enough for him to run his hands through, the bright eyes that miss absolutely nothing, the runner’s body that Cas hides under baggy tee shirts; all of this gets Dean’s motor running in the best of ways. It had taken Dean less than two months of living at the orchard to realize that he had started unintentionally comparing all the people he met at the Roadhouse to Cas. This one had brown eyes. That one wasn’t muscular enough. That other one was female. That was about the same time that hooking up with these people had started to lose appeal. 

Then came the mental attraction. Not only was Cas spectacular to look at but Dean found himself laughing at Cas’ dry humor and melting at his compassion for the kids going through tough times. It had been the little things that got Dean to thinking that maybe he was becoming more than friendly with Cas. First, Cas is very sweet and good with his foster kids. That isn’t enough of a reason but it’s also not a deterrent. If he’s going to be a proper parent to Claire, he needs a partner that can truly help him raise his daughter. He’s seen how Cas is with the other kids that cycle through the orchard. It’s a patience thing, Dean thinks, and it’s something he’s still working on. Claire is a delight most days but she’s also a child who is testing her boundaries with Cas, who has only been a parental figure for a year, and Dean, who has been her father for just about six months. Dean had to learn quickly that he’s not allowed to run away from a three-year-old when she starts getting cranky. Cas had laughed behind his hand when Dean had just stood there watching Claire have a meltdown when she was told that she could not go out and splash in puddles because Dean didn’t want to clean her up afterwards. 

As Dean continues to hear the tractor make its rounds on the large patch of grass behind the farmhouse, he grits his teeth and thinks that Cas has to be done soon. Cas will be finished and then he’ll turn off the tractor and Dean can go back to his own thoughts without the benefit of the buzz from the engine in his head. It takes 20 minutes of hearing the tractor for Dean to lose his temper and storm out the door and down the steps. The first thing that vaguely registers in his mind is that it is cold outside. He glances down to see that he’s only wearing a grey pair of sweatpants he dragged on when he got out of bed and the tags around his neck that he hasn’t gotten comfortable with removing just yet. He realizes that he didn’t even put his sliders on when he hops down off of the last step on to gravel and has to bite back a curse when a rock lands in that soft spot between his first two toes. He’s been trying so hard not to curse because he wants to be a good example for Claire. She does not need to be sharing his bad language with the other kids in preschool. Cas wouldn’t let him hear the end of it if that were the case.

He starts waving his hands in the air as he storms over to where Cas has started mowing the side yard. Cas apparently doesn’t see him at first because he turns the tractor and starts away from Dean. Dean stands there with his hands on his hips and waits for Cas to get to the end of the row before he turns around. Dean notices with a perverse sense of smugness that Cas stops the tractor, his mouth open and his cheeks turning pink, but does not turn off the tractor. He’s seen flashes of this side of Cas since he moved out to the orchard, but this is the first time that Dean thinks that he’s ready to accept that this attraction he’s started feeling for Cas might be reciprocated. Dean’s not above using it to his advantage.

He stands and preens for a few minutes before he sees Cas visibly shake himself, turn off the engine, and climb off the tractor. Cas walks slowly over to Dean and says in his low voice, “Hello Dean.” Dean visibly shivers at hearing his name in that gravel tone. 

“Hey, Cas.”

“You’re up early, Dean.”

“Yeah, about that. Is there some reason that you are mowing the lawn at 6:00 am this morning?” Dean sees Cas’ forehead crease as the man frowns. Cas almost looks confused for a moment.

“Is it really that early?” Dean holds up his wrist towards Cas and taps his smartwatch. 6:09 am pops up on the face before going black again. Cas’ cheeks again turn pink.

“I, uh, couldn’t sleep last night. I guess I was up early and thought I would get a head start on my chores for today.”

“Are you okay?” Dean might not appreciate being awakened by the sun in his eyes and the sound of the tractor at the butt crack of dawn, but real concern flashes in his gut to hear that Cas hadn’t been able to get any rest. He is responsible for half of the care that Claire needs throughout the day. Dean has started taking over a lot of the morning and nighttime routines, but Cas picks Claire up from afternoon daycare while Dean is at work. Cas has been making her dinner Tuesday and Thursday nights since Dean had his parenting class the court was requiring him to complete before they would consider giving him full custody of his daughter.

Cas smiles and Dean relaxes a little. If Cas reacts to his concern with a smile, things are probably fine. “Yes, thank you Dean. I just found my mind racing a mile a minute last night and tossed and turned from the time I lay down until I decided that it was a lost cause.”

“Okay, good. Because, uh, yeah. I don’t want you to be less than your best.” Dean could now feel himself blushing a little and was embarrassed by it. It would do him no good to hand his feelings on a platter to Cas. Cas didn’t need to deal with his little crush, even if Dean is 99% sure that his feelings are returned. “I’m just going to…” Dean trails off as he points towards the garage and his apartment. Cas hasn’t taken his eyes from Dean’s face, almost as if he’s forcing his gaze to stay above the neck instead of drifting towards 

Dean’s naked chest. Dean barely stops himself from sucking in his stomach just a little. He doesn’t have nearly the same level of physical fitness as he did 6 months ago when he was handed an honorable discharge by the United States Army and sent off into the civilian world. He’s still in decent shape but he can feel a little bit of pooch poking out above the waistband of his sweatpants.

As this starts to make him feel a little uncomfortable, he quickly turns and walks back to the steps up to the apartment. Of course, the fact that he is barefoot makes it difficult to do this quickly and he’s sure that his blush has now spread to his neck and upper shoulders. But he’s not going to look back at Cas. He’s not. He feels Cas’ eyes on him all the way up the steps. Dean slams the door and leans back on it and takes a deep breath. 

He has survived another tense moment with Cas. Cas, the man who has spent the last year raising Dean’s daughter, Claire; Cas, the man who has allowed Dean to stay on his property and get to know his 3 year old daughter; Cas, the man whom Dean may want to potentially start building a life with. Maybe. If that is something that Cas wants. Dean’s really too scared to ask him at this point.

Shaking his head, Dean heads to the bathroom. It’s time to jump in the shower and start his day. Work waits for no man, pining or not.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean gets home late that afternoon after working half a shift at the garage and attending his Saturday afternoon PTSD support group. He ends up staying late to rally around one of their members that had a bad episode. He was supposed to go with Cas to the park with Claire and feels guilty that he missed it. He’s been trying to create memories with Claire both for his sake and for hers. Any time that he can’t make one of those activities makes him feel like a bad parent and like he needs to go to confession, even if he’s not Catholic. 

He walks in the door and smiles as he hears the TV in the living room playing a Teen Titans episode. Claire might not understand Teen Titans, but she likes the colorful animation and laughs at the funny antics of the young superhero group. It doesn’t hurt that it’s tangentially related to Batman. One of the first things Dean brought Claire when he first met her was a small fleece Batman blanket. He is a firm believer that he needs to start engaging his daughter early in order to get her interested in some of the same things he loved. 

Cas must be in the kitchen if he has parked Claire in front of the television for the time being. Dean wanders in to find Cas standing in front of the stove. 

“Smells good, whatever it is.” Dean tries to sound casual, but knows that he’s probably coming across defensive. Cas has never been outright derisive of Dean’s effort, but he’s seen the disappointment in Cas’ eyes when he arrives late (or not at all) to one of Claire’s activities.

“We’re having spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.” Dean thinks he’s lucky Cas replies at all considering the frosty response. 

“Claire’s favorite,” Dean replies. “She’ll make a mess of the kitchen for sure.”

“I guess it’s a good thing you are on clean up duty today.” Cas is a little stiff in his responses. He’s not smiling as readily as he has this past week. Yep, disappointed for sure. 

“I’m sorry, Cas. Group ran late today. Jillian needed us to all stick around.”

“I understand, Dean.” But Cas doesn’t sound like he really understands. He sounds like he’s resigned and that makes Dean very uncomfortable. “Claire kept asking for you. I told her that you would meet us at home. But she insisted that we go find you. So we drove by the center to see if we could pick you up. Do you know what we found when we got there?”

“Cas, will you let me..”

“We didn’t see your car, so I told Claire that you were probably going to meet us at home. So we drove home. We drove home past the Roadhouse. And do you know what I saw when we drove past the Roadhouse, Dean?”

“I would try and explain but…”

“Your car was in the parking lot at the Roadhouse, Dean. Thankfully Claire didn’t see it or she might have put up a fuss. Instead we came home and I explained to Claire that you must still be having some “alone” time. It’s hard to explain to a child what that means. I know you know that. But her life right now is based on routine and for you to take “alone” time during the day instead of after she goes to bed confuses her.”

Dean stays silent this time. He knows that it will be impossible to try and get a word in with Cas as upset as he appears to be.

“And, frankly, I’m grateful that you take “alone” time at the Roadhouse and don’t bring it back to the apartment. I don’t know if I could handle knowing that you brought someone home with you while you are still trying to build a relationship with Claire and prove to the state of Illinois that you are fit to be her parent full time.”

“Cas, listen. Jillian had a real crappy day and we all ended group today in tears. Someone suggested drinking at the Roadhouse. I agreed to be a designated driver, that’s it. I don’t need anyone reminding me of how Claire’s mom died to know that drinking and driving is a bad idea. I was helping some people out, that’s all.”

“And I would never bring anyone back to the apartment,” Dean continues. Cas looks at Dean in disbelief. “Anymore, I mean. I’m pretty sure I’m over that part of my life besides the fact that I may or may not be harboring a slight crush on a certain foster dad with bedhead twenty four seven.” Dean pauses as he realizes what he’s said. “Crap. I’m going to shut up now.”

Dean knows that his rambling would get him in trouble one of these days, but didn’t realize that it would be today. 

“I need you to leave, Dean. I’ll handle the after-dinner dishes.”

“Cas, wait, what? I don’t get it.”

“I need some time to digest what I’ve learned today. I think you can feed yourself tonight and I will tell Claire that she will see you tomorrow.” Cas turns back to the stove, dismissing Dean and leaving him speechless. He’s sure this has not yet happened the whole six months he’s been living at Cas’.

Dean leaves through the kitchen and stumbles across the driveway to the apartment. It wouldn’t do to get Clarie all excited to see him only to have Cas kick him out again. Should he have denied his attraction? Should he have doubled down on it? Even though he is playing that moment back in his head, he still can’t figure out what Cas’ reaction means. 

As he continues to think through what he said and how Cas reacted to it, he tries to busy himself. He picks up his bedroom, throwing his dirty clothes in a basket to take to the house tomorrow. He grabs a washcloth and starts wiping down the kitchen counters. Cas is driving him to drink, but he’s trying to be good and keep the alcohol out of his apartment. He goes to the Roadhouse to drink these days. That doesn’t help him now, of course, because he’s essentially told Cas that he isn’t going out tonight. And he wants to show Cas that he can be good. No, that’s not it. He wants to show Cas that he can be responsible. Yeah, that’s what he meant.

So here he is scrubbing the sink and composing some kind of apology to Cas in his head. Maybe some kind of apology where he tells Cas that he might possibly be attracted to him but not because of Claire. He’s got to make it clear that no matter what happens with his daughter that the attraction to Cas is because the man is funny in a deadpan way, caring no matter what the circumstances, and passionate about his causes. Everything Dean used to be but isn’t sure he’s got the conviction for any longer. _ Don’t forget hot as hell, _ his mind supplies. Yup, there’s also that.

When he moves on to reorganizing the spice cabinet, he pulls up Sam’s number on his phone and dials, making sure to activate the speakerphone. If he stops moving, his mind will start itching again and he’d rather not give himself an excuse to grab his keys and head to the Roadhouse. Cas would probably kill him.

“Dean, what’s up, man?” Sam sounds like he’s been running a marathon when he picks up the phone.

“Hey Sammy, you busy?”

“Nope, just running after the rugrat. You know how it is.”

“Heh, sure. Claire might not be the most graceful thing on two legs, but boy can she book it when she wants to. How’s Jack doing?”

“Well, he’s getting more and more vocal every day. Thankfully he still doesn’t use ‘no’ any more than necessary. I’ve heard the horror stories.”

“Same, man. Claire seems to be pretty easy going. She doesn’t really use that word either. But I think that’s more a Cas thing than a Claire thing.”

“How is Cas, by the way?”

“Good, good….uh, Cas is actually why I called.” Dean proceeds to tell Sam about his day, including Cas’ reaction when he came home from the get together after group.

“I dunno, Sam. There’s this thing that goes beyond Claire. And it may lead somewhere and it may not. I don’t think his anger was primarily because I skipped out on playground time with Claire. That happens on Saturdays when I go to group and he’s fine with it. I think it was more that I went out with my friends from group.”

“I would call it jealousy, but since I’ve not met Cas yet, I don’t know if that’s accurate.”

“I know, I know. One of these days I will have you out to the farm, Sam, I promise. You and Jack. The weather is nice enough for a barbecue and since its just Claire out here right now, it would be just us.

“Really, Dean, you and Cas need to talk like adults with no threat of children getting in between you. You may find out that what you want is exactly what he wants. You won’t know until you give it a try, right?

“So what, take him out on a date?”

“Let’s be honest, dates aren’t really your strong suit. No, Dean, invite him over and cook for him. 

“Are you sure that he’s not going to take that as me wanting to jump into bed with him? He did just give me hell for potentially inviting people back to the apartment for just that reason.”

“Is that what you were going to do?”

“What? No, Sammy, I wouldn’t do that.”

“Well, there’s your answer then. Make it very clear to him that this is adult time but for talking only. If things happen, they happen, but as long as your intentions are to just talk about it and not to lure him to bed, then you should be good to go.” 

Sam makes it sound so simple but Dean is going to tie himself up in knots until tomorrow when he gets a chance to talk to Cas. He takes a deep breath, holds it, and then exhales slowly. “Yeah, alright Sam. I get it. Thanks, man. I appreciate the pep talk.”

“Any time, Dean. Listen, I gotta go. Jack is getting into something in the kitchen. Talk soon, okay?”

“Bye, little brother.” Dean ends the call and throws the washcloth in the sink. He taps the phone against his chin a few times. _ This is it _ , he thinks. _ Now or never, man. Let’s do this. _

He opens up his messaging app and sends a text to Cas.

**Dean [9:17 PM]**: Hey Cas sorry again 4 2day

**Cas [9:20 PM]**: :) I accept your apology.

**Dean [9:21 PM]**: want 2 talk abt stuff...dinner here 2mrw?

**Cas [9:22 PM]**: No funny business.

But yes, we can talk tomorrow.

**Dean [9:24 PM]**: Cool c u 4 brkfst?

**Cas [9:26 PM]**: Yes, Dean. Claire is expecting you bright and early for pancakes.

He calls Cas’ sister Anna to see if she’ll come watch Claire at the house tomorrow night so that Cas can have some time with Dean. He ends up having to tell Anna what he’s got planned. He hears Anna’s laughter ringing in his ear long after his call with her has ended. 

Dean smiles more than he is sure is appropriate considering that Cas coming over tomorrow is not a date, no matter what his brain says. He goes to sleep with a smile on his face, in fact, excited about both breakfast with Claire and dinner with Cas.


	3. Chapter 3

“Owwww,” Dean yells, blowing on his fingers as he drops the hot baking sheet on top of the stove. “Owww, owww, owwww.” He’s freaking out over dinner with Cas. He doesn’t know why because he’s usually Mr. Smooth when it comes to dates at home. The home-cooked meal, the music in the background, the candlelight…okay, well usually dates at home are all a set up to sex and he’s definitely not ready for that with Cas. Well, he is but he’s really not. Despite the fact that his body has been ready for sex with Cas for what feels like months now, he and Cas really haven’t talked about what they are now, what they could be in the future and what that means for the little girl that has come to mean so much to the both of them.

He looks at the clock and sees that he’s only got minutes until Cas is supposed to arrive. Crap, how did time get away from him? He uses the oven mitts this time to pick up the baking sheet and scoop the potato wedges he made into a bowl to go with his signature cheeseburgers . The burgers are fully cooked and keeping warm in the oven on another baking sheet wrapped in foil. He puts everything else out on the Formica table that stands between the kitchen and the couch. With just the two of them sitting at the table, there’s plenty of room for the food without having to crowd the counter tops. 

Dean starts to rub his hands on his jeans and barely stops himself from getting grease all over them.  _ Rookie move,  _ _dumb ass_, he thinks to himself. He rushes into the bathroom to check that no stains have mysteriously appeared on his tee shirt. A quick check of his teeth shows no bits of food. He spritzes himself with cologne, just in case, and then heads back out to the main room to wait for Cas.

He tries not to wait at the window but can’t prevent himself from walking back and forth from kitchen to the couch to see if Cas has started walking from the house yet. A knock at the door startles him and he fights not to curse out loud. Walking calmly to the door takes some effort but he manages to open the door and smile at Cas, who looks nervous. Well ain’t that sweet. Good to know he’s not the only one feeling anxious about talking.

“Hey Cas, you look great.” 

“Thank you Dean. I didn’t know what to wear.” Cas plucks at his sweater as if he’s unsure if it passes muster. Along with his khaki slacks, his outfit makes him look like a school teacher. Dean gets lost in a short fantasy of school teacher Cas with glasses and a briefcase. He shakes himself out of it before he can get too distracted.

“Hey, it’s just us. No pressure to look fancy or whatever. C’mon in. The burgers are finished and the potatoes just came out of the oven. Are you hungry?”

“Starving. I could smell your burgers from the house. Anna had to keep me from rushing over here early.” With a warmth in his belly at these words, Dean steers Cas to the table and pushes gently on his shoulders.

“That’s good to know! Have a seat at the table and I’ll dish us up, okay?” He can feel Cas resisting and tries not to frown.

“Dean, I don’t want you to do all the work,” Cas argues.

“Nonsense, Cas. You’re a guest tonight even if this is technically your apartment. Sit. You want me to get you a beer?” Cas does sit and Dean walks to the fridge to grab two bottles from the door.

The conversation flows easily once their plates are full and they begin to eat. Cas is full of stories about some of the children who have lived at the orchard in the 5 years since he and Anna decided to open their home to foster kids. There are days when Dean thinks Claire is out of control but hearing Cas describe one little boy who absolutely refused to wear clothes if he thought it was too hot has Dean clutching his stomach with laughter.

Eventually their conversation tapers off and Dean finds himself smiling softly at Cas.  _ This is it,  _ Dean thinks.  _ I really think I might be able to fall for this man. _

“You’re incredible Cas. How is it you’re still single again?” Dean says it teasingly but Cas suddenly turns his head to look out the windows. Dean isn’t sure if he crossed a line or not.

“Dean, I don’t really know what you want from me. I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and I’m just really confused.”

“Cas, I….listen, this isn’t going to come out right, okay? I don’t do this, well, ever but it’s something I’ve been thinking about too. So I want to try something. Just sit there and listen for a minute?” Dean is trying to convey his seriousness with his facial expression and he thinks based on the look on Cas’ face that he’s succeeding. He takes a deep breath, gathers his thoughts and then dives right in.

“I want to date you, Cas. And before you go off on me about the morality and all that jazz, I want you to know that I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. It came to a head because right place, right time or some crap like that.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I stopped bringing people back to the apartment about two months ago or so. And for the month before that, it was starting to lose it’s shine. Before, it was easy because I was always on the move. Even when I was a kid I never stayed more than a couple months in the same place. Being here at the orchard, living in your apartment, this is the longest I’ve lived anywhere my whole life. And I don’t want you to think that stability is the reason that I’ve started to fall for you, ‘cause it isn’t. You took one look at me and didn’t see someone changed by my life experiences. Maybe that’s because you didn’t know me before, but even new people take one look at my file or record or whatever and think I need to be treated special. You ignored all of that and decided to treat me like a person even under the assumption that I had abandoned my daughter. 

“But, Dean…” Cas tries to interrupt but if Dean doesn’t get this all out now, there’s no telling when he will have the balls to talk about it again. He holds up his hand, grateful when Cas quiets immediately and focuses on him.

“Let me finish. I’m almost done, promise.” He smiles as he continues. “You are helping me become the kind of parent that Claire deserves. You’ve had that role in her life for the last year. And yet when I came barging in you didn’t take any of my crap and you put me in my place. Seeing you interact with her makes me want to be that kind of dad for her.” 

“All this is to say that I really want to be the kind of man you could see yourself with, Cas. I want to be a good dad. I want to deal with my issues. I want to stop taking advantage of people and letting them take advantage of me. I want to value myself the way I think you value me. I, well, I want to be a family.”

“I know this might seem like it’s coming out of left field, but I think maybe we’ve been dancing around each other for months now. I’m more comfortable with you than I am with anyone save Sammy. I may go to the Roadhouse but I’ve stopped bringing people home. It’s been just me flying solo since that last time you caught Robbie trying to sneak down the stairs of the apartment.” Cas snorts like he’s trying to hold back the laugh but Dean sees the smile that Cas just can’t hide.

“Whadda ya say, Cas. You willing to give this a chance?”

“Dean, I,” Cas is very obviously struggling with how he wants to respond. Dean just stays quiet and waits for him to gather his thoughts. “I want you to know that you are a wonderful man. You’ve served your country as a soldier in some very dangerous places that you still won’t talk about. You stepped up for Claire when you learned that she had lost her mother and had no other family to take care of her. You’ve been trying very hard to be the kind of dad that she needs in order to be a happy, healthy little girl.”

“I haven’t felt like giving voice to how I was feeling until you brought it up, but I think what I’ve been feeling every time you’ve been at the Roadhouse or brought someone home was jealousy. You’d be flirting with me one minute and the next I would find someone’s car parked next to yours and trying to escape from the property without being noticed. I can admit that feeling now. It doesn’t sit comfortably with me to share that with you, but there it is.”

“You never said, Cas. I didn’t know that you felt that way or that my flirting had any kind of effect on you save embarrassment.” Dean normally doesn’t feel shame for those hookups but right now he’s not feeling good about them now that he knows what Cas was feeling when he found out about them.

“I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was the product of actual attraction to you or the desire to see you focus more on your daughter. I had no right to judge what you did, Dean, and I’m sorry that it colored my interactions with you.” Cas sounds so guilty that Dean can’t help but want to comfort him.

“It confused the hell out of me is what it did. I had no idea what was going on.” Dean walks over to Cas. He reaches out and rests his hand on Cas’ forearm. “Can we try this, Cas? Is this something that you want?”

Cas visibly swallows and takes a deep breath. “I very much want to try this, but I have conditions,” he adds. Dean’s heart descends into the pit of his stomach but he understands. Cas would be foolish to start a relationship with Dean and not think of the consequences. Dean’s just a little proud of himself for not feeling massively disappointed. He is worried, though, that he won’t live up to Cas’ conditions. Dean makes a ‘carry on’ motion with his unoccupied hand.

“First, you will continue to live here in the apartment and all ‘adult activities’,” Dean snickers as Cas uses finger quotes for this last phrase, “will occur here.”

“Got it,” Dean agrees. “Keep the porn worthy stuff away from the house. What else?”

“Whether or not this relationship lasts, you have to promise me that it won’t affect Claire or your relationship with her.”

“Cas,” Dean brings his hands up to cup Cas’ face. “You have to believe me when I say that Claire is the most important person in my life right now. And that’s saying something considering all I’ve done for my brother and what you and I are about to start. I can swear to you on anything you want that nothing that happens between us will be bad for Claire. It can only get better from here. Yes?”

“Yes,” Cas whispers.

“The rest can wait, then. Can I kiss you, Cas?” Dean whispers back, as if afraid that he might scare Cas away.

“I wish you would.” Cas’ voice is low and soft, making Dean shiver.

“You do, huh? C’mere, then.” Dean draws Cas to him and brushes his lips across Cas’. Cas inhales on a gasp and Dean dives in, easily getting lost in the feeling of Cas’ lips against his. Cas wraps his arms around Dean and leans in, whimpering as Dean licks at Cas’ lips. Dean nibbles at Cas’ lower lip causing Cas to start kneading at Dean’s back. Eventually Cas hesitantly licks at the seam of Dean’s lips and, with a smile, Dean opens to Cas. He feels like he’s dreaming, that’s how good the kissing is. Dean hasn’t felt like this in forever; like kissing isn’t a means to an end. With Cas, he could do this all night and feel content.

The kissing is nice. Dean can see how kissing might lead to more if they’re not careful but he doesn’t think either of them are ready. Cuddling would be nice too and it might be good to end their night with hands above the belt and snuggles on the couch. Dean has to remind himself that he’ll get more of this with Cas. This isn’t just a one night thing. This could be a “rest of their lives” thing. And as much as that scares Dean, it also sends thrills down his spine. He might have started this weekend complaining about that damn rooster (and Cas had better plan on listening to Dean continue to complain about it if it’s going to continue to wake Dean before he’s ready) but he’s ending it wrapped up with Castiel Novak and he honestly couldn’t be happier.

**Author's Note:**

> If I managed to miss something glaring in terms of missed tags, please let me know! Figuring out tags is always difficult for me and I'm more than willing to add something if you think it needs to be there. Drop me a note and let me know!


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